Pretty Idle

“Move! Move! Move!” My so-called “fitness tracker” is telling me I need to move. To get up. To stop sitting around. Congratulations, technology… you’ve just figured out how to recreate the nag. A motivational coach? A nag coach. Whichever you like. “Move! Move! Move!” It lights up and at the …

A Paddle for Your Thoughts?

Have you ever wondered what’s wrong with America? I mean, what’s really wrong with America? Well, here’s my answer: Nothing.   That’s right. You heard it here first. I repeat… THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH AMERICA. You can drive from sea to sea and see purple mountains majesty and foaming seas …

Speaking of dying…

  Did I tell you the news? I’m dying. It’s not like my doctor called me up with some test results or anything. No, I discovered my ailment from a trusted, reliable source whose diagnosis is 120% accurate: An AARP membership card application in the mail. Not only is this …