Introducing the new Hook and Loop Sports Jersey™!
– Tired of putting up with your spoiled brat athlete getting up and skedaddling to another team?
– Sick of rooting for your golden child who just last week said you and the people of your city were “the greatest fans in the world”?
– Furious that you’re stuck with a worthless jersey, complete with the last name of the unfaithful loser on your back?
Well fret no more because the Hook and Loop Jersey Company™ is proud to announce:
Hook and Loop Jersey™!
That’s right. With Hook and Loop Jersey™, you don’t have to put up with Multi-Millionaire Athletes™ leaving you holding the bag. Or in this case… the jersey.
That’s because the Hook and Loop Jersey™ is made with a space-age hook and loop fastening material on the back of the jersey. The futuristic hook and loop material is also on the patented Hook and Loop Name Strip™, imprinted with the name of the athlete. Simply attach the Hook and Loop Name Strip™ to the Hook and Loop Panel™ on the back of the jersey and voila! No more shame or embarrassment.
Here’s how it works:
When you buy your team jersey, simply specify which athlete’s name from that team you want attached to the back. When you get your jersey, simply attach the Hook and Loop Name Strip™ to the Hook and Loop Panel™ on the back of the jersey. Nothing could be easier!™
Now when that Two-Timing Jerk™ you pledged your loyalty too decides to get up and leave for another team, simply tear off the Hook and Loop Name Strip™ and toss it out or burn it in effigy over your stove or in your fireplace. Then, order the name of the athlete that takes his place and put it on the Hook and Loop Panel™. There you go… Fresh Start™.
Who should get a Hook and Loop Jersey™?
– Anyone who is too embarrassed to wear the jersey of a Spoiled Multi-Millionaire Athlete™ who can’t resist leaving town for more money.
– The man or woman who just can’t afford buying a new jersey every time a prima donna athlete decides to leave The Best Fans In The World™ to play with another team that has The Best Fans In The World™.
– A wonderful idea for that hard-to-buy-for-friend who is constantly in tears about the loss of their Favorite Player™.
Each jersey sells for only $199.99. Buy the Hook and Loop Name Strip™ for just $49.95. But if you act now, we’ll throw in one Hook and Loop Name Strip™ with your jersey for only $179.99. A savings of nothing, just like you get taken every time you spend all your money to go to a live sporting event.
But wait… there’s more.
If you act within the next 30 seconds, we’ll throw in a second jersey for just $199.99. That way, if you happen to have more than one jerk of an athlete on your favorite team who leaves, you’ll have two jersey numbers to attach Hook and Loop Name Strips™.
Additional Hook and Loop Name Strips™ are just $59.95.
So tell your friends, tell your family. Get your very own Hook and Loop Jerseys™ today and save yourself the Humiliating Embarrassment™ of attaching your good name to that of a Spoiled Rich Athlete™. Don’t get stuck wearing yesterday’s names today. Get your Hook and Loop Jerseys™ now!
[Not sold in stores. Available only through this special offer. We retain the right to refuse the return of Hook and Loop Name Strips™ from athletes who leave then return then leave again and come back. That’s just a poor life choice on your part.]