Hitler Factory

angry man
Photo courtesy of Piotr Siedlecki

When it comes to dictators, who does history judge to be the worst of the worst? Kim Il Sung? Stalin? Pol Pot? Vlad the Impaler? The DMV clerk?

No, no, and no again (and a few more ‘no’s’ thrown in for good measure).

Without a doubt, when you think of a horrific dictator, the name Hitler will inevitably come up. As in, “Man, that guy is a regular Hitler” or “You’re worse than Hitler” or even “You have ear hair like Hitler.”

But as bad as Hitler was, he was nothing compared to what is looming on the horizon: Legions of little Hitlers being forged in the furnace of Hitler.

These are the little Hitlers you see throwing tantrums in grocery stores, walking on tables in restaurants, being begged by their parents to behave.

They are the little urchins you see running around society today, holding their participation trophies in one hand and their “Guide to Being a Little Hitler” in the other.

Before you know it, they will be adult Hitlers throwing tantrums in grocery stores, walking on tables in restaurants, being begged by others to behave.

They’ll expect you to do their bidding, punish you when you don’t, expect you to coddle them, do their work for them, all the while getting sure delight out of watching you jump every time they demand you do something.

But here’s the real kicker…

With so many little Hitlers being forged in the furnace of Hitler, the world will soon be filled with Hitlers. In fact, they’ll be working for the same companies, going to the same colleges and universities, marrying other Hitlers.

Which makes me wonder, what happens when Hitler meets Hitler?

– If Hitler A and Hitler B throw a tantrum on the floor at the same time, which Hitler will get up off the floor first?

– If Hitler X expects Hitler Y to do her bidding but Hitler Y expects Hitler X to do her bidding, who’s bidding gets done? Or do they both end up in a Hitler hissy fight?

– If Hitler P32 is a task team leader and demands that Hitler P37 does a task but Hitler P37 refuses, does Hitler P32 sit in a corner of the office sucking on his thumb for the rest of the day?

The problem here is that not everyone can be a Hitler dictator. Granted, everyone will want to get their own way, have a meltdown if they don’t, and in general, punish the people around them for not obeying their every command. But if every little Hitler is being a little Hitler to everyone else, then there won’t be anyone left to not be a Hitler. Which leads me to wonder, is it too late to stop this Hitler phenomenon from occurring?

I have to conclude that, Yes. It’s definitely too late.

You might as well give up all hope right now. Because the Hitlers of tomorrow are already in little Hitler training, ready to be unleashed on the world.

So if you’re not a little Hitler and have no plans on being one, you may want to change your mind, part your hair on the side, and wear a funny stub of a mustache. Otherwise, you’ll be the one handing out all the Hitler participation trophies and doing all the work that the little Hitlers will expect others to do for them.

Then maybe you should consider getting a job at the DMV.



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